21

It's almost been three months since I turned 21 last April. Yet deep inside me, I still feel as if I just celebrated my 19th birthday. It's extremely jarring, as if I'm mentally 2-3 years behind my actual physical age.

I think most would agree that the age of 18-21 is when one starts leaving their tumultuous teenage years behind and embarking on this never-ending journey called adulting. One that is no less turbulent and intense than growing up.

I had this tab opened when I was pondering about recent happenings and an epiphany struck me like a lightning. The sudden realisation that despite being 21, I'm still very much immature and childish. I often neglect my responsibilities and being distastefully juvenile in my behaviour. Reflecting on this caused me to be so off-put about myself. I could be so naive and irritatingly whiny. Losing my composure was not a rare occurrence. Goodness, I hate myself.

I have experienced so many changes in life outlook over the past couple of years. I've met new people, said goodbye to many, been to new places, did things I never thought I would have the chance to. My life has overall took crazy turns and loops although yes, it has stayed on the expected trajectory.

Yeah nah, my life is not that exciting after all.

I don't know where this is going. Just like how my life seems to be going on right now. No clear destination, only vague goals. It's okay though. I, like many others my age, am in the process of discovering life and what we want out of it. I guess I'll be flying free like a bird for a couple more years, while trying to find some dreams to work towards along the way.